Dreams

It finally happened! Since Steff died 6 months ago I have been hoping and praying that she would come to me in my dreams and last night she did. It was the best feeling I've had in a long time.

The dream was slightly odd though. The scene of the dream was her funeral - only She was there. She was walking around among the many people that loved her. She was staring them right in the face and no one could see her but me. She looked radiant.

She had thick beautiful blond locks and slightly pink cheeks. Her eyes were wide and alert in a way I had not seen them in so long. Her body looked healthy and sturdy. Her skin was gently sun kissed and seemed as warm as freshly baked apple pie. She had on a green flowing top that was snug around the top and lose around the bottom, with dark colored fitted jeans and brown strappy sandals with pink and green embellishments on the top. I loved seeing her the way I remember my sweet Steffy. She looked so alive

We spoke briefly but frequently throughout the whole dream. Her voice sounded so sweet and angelic. I just hope that she comes again and we can talk, but until then I will hang on to the sound of her voice with everything I have.

Half Way Point

I can't believe it's been 6 months since we lost your smile and our own in the same moment. I think about you everyday. I do everything I can to hold on to the sound of your voice, to the scent of your skin, to the feeling of your love. Every day I make a genuine effort to not lose any piece of you. I can't bare the thought of forgetting anything at all.

A half of a year has past already. How on Earth is it possible? I think about all the days that you fought and how it seemed that your days of agony would never end, and now it seems like mine won't. I try so hard to be strong. I try to put on a brave face and remember that you're no longer within reach of the wrath that cancer unleashed on you.  It's the only thought that keeps me from completely falling apart.

I hate that I can't hold your hand like I did so many times before. I hate that now the only way I can talk to you is in a blog. I hate that I can't bring myself to your grave. I want to visit so badly, but thinking of kneeling next to the Earth and knowing that you're inside of it and not on top of it where you belong, is more than I think my broken heart can take right now.

You made this place so beautiful, Steffy. I'm sure that you're beaming smile and brilliant chocolate brown eyes are shinning beauty over each and every inch of Heaven. Until we see each other again...I love you...