Steffy's Eulogy

This was the first thing that I wrote for her. It was extremely difficult, but I chose to give her eulogy at her funeral. For those of you who were there, you have already heard this in my broken voice. Even now, when I read it, my heart breaks all over again.

The hardest part of standing up there and talking about her was not having people look at me. It wasn't that I would mess up, or that I would stumble over my words. It was knowing that she was right infront of me and I couldn't touch her soft skin. I couldn't hold her hand or tickle her back the way she likes. Even now I say "likes" in lieu of "liked". It's so hard to think of her in past tense.

I hold on to the notion that if I can keep her alive in my heart and in my world, she'll never really be gone. I can't bare the thought of not having her anymore so I choose everyday to hang on to every piece of her that I can.

Below is Steff's Eulogy. I hope that it did her justice. She deserves nothing short of that.

We are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of the radiant Stephenie Marie Gilbert. For all of you who had the extraordinary pleasure of knowing her, none of these things will come as news to you, but for those of you who are here in support of the people, who loved her let me share a little about our beloved Stephenie.

Stephenie was effortlessly striking. She had the kind of vibrant spirit that made everyone in her world smile. Anything that sparkled made her eyes sparkle. Hello Kitty and anything pink were a must in her life. She was a true girly girl. The silliest things made her laugh. She was funny. She loved cheese roll ups from Taco Bell. A trip to the beach would make her so happy. Of course she'd have to have a new bathing suite and tan before she would go, but it made her happy just the same. She was always eating and she was always trying to feed people around her, even if it was only by sending Derick, on one too many trips to Krispy Kreme.

For the last few days I've been trying to figure out how we could all lose her, and how we are all supposed to get through it. And then I remembered a conversation she and I had one day while I was painting her nails. What she said to me was, "I'm not sure why this is happening, all I know is that I am meant to go through it." When I think about her sweet voice saying that, all I can think is what an amazing strength she had within her. What a will to fight and what an amazing courage to accept this fate. And I believe that as much as she believed she was meant to go through it, this is the part we are all meant to go through.

We will all struggle and a grieve in our own ways. We will all try and find the lesson the Lord is sending us, but the reality is, it will take time to lessen our pain. We will have to truly lean on God during this time. I don't believe it will be easy for any of us. But Steffy would want us all to smile in her honor. Steffy is rejoicing in heaven. Knowing Steff, she's probably dancing with the angels. I find comfort in that thought and I've found comfort in one of Stephanie's favorite scriptures. II Cor. 5:8, says, "We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the lord". Stephenie loved knowing that once she was absent of her body, she would be one with the Lord. It's so rare to find someone that was in her physical condition, that had such a strong faith.

Stephenie and I developed a very unique and special bond during her illness. All the days that I thought I was supposed to be there for her, holding her hand, she was the one who was there for me, holding mine. I have so many fond memories of her. She showed me what it was really like to love someone. We laughed and cried and no matter how much was going on in her life and how big her problems were, she always cared about me and the things in my life. She was truly one of my best friends. She was my sister.

Some believe that people only pass when they've accomplished all that God had intended for them to in this life, and once they pass, they are ready for their next journey in heaven. Stephenie may not have had the long life that most in this room have had or will have. She may not have accomplished a career, marriage, children and grandchildren. But Stephenie accomplished more in her short time than some will in a life time. She accomplished love. She loved her parents Frannie and Ira, she loved her siblings, Sean, Mickalene, and Janice, whom she affectionately referred to as "Little". She loved her aunts, uncles, cousin, grandparents. She loved her doctors and nurses and all those who took care of her. She valued the people who held her hand, even when there were not able to in person. She loved our niece Lidia. She loved her friends. But most importantly, she accomplished the one thing all girls want - true and unconditional love, with her hearts joy, Derick. She loved everyone in this room, but none the way she loved Derick. And Derick, although you didn't get to live your whole life with her, she got to live the better part of hers with you. She will always be your angel just as you were hers. So I believe that her life, while short, was a happy and complete one.

Stephenie loved life. The only true way to honor Stephenie, is for all of us, to live our lives well.

I love you, Steffy.