Lately I have been lost in my grief. Nothing helps. I merely exist in my world. And too be honest, even that has been a struggle.
My heart is broken. When I look around me and see everyone else smiling, it makes me even sadder. I know so many people who have lost people close to them lately and they all seem to be adjusting. I'm not saying that it's not hard for them, but they don't seem to be lost within themselves the way I feel.
I feel so trapped. I'm stuck between Heaven and Hell. I suppose that's what Earth is - the waiting place between Heaven and Hell. I just want something to move me - shake me to my core. I need something to wake me up from this miserable nightmare.
The pain is constant. There is no relief from it ever. Sometimes, for a moment it may dull, but that's the best I can hope for. I keep trying to remind myself that this will go away with time. It always has in the past. But in some ways that's worse. How much time? I don't know if I can survive it.
Tia,
ReplyDeleteYou are getting better and you are making progress each and every day. I see the brightness inside of you and even though your sadness is dominant right now, your spirit remains beautiful. It's a constant struggle because every day something is going to trigger your sadness, I know that and it's hard because I am not the one living this nightmare and enduring this pain. Accept your grief and, gradually, things will continue to get better. A dull moment may turn into a beautiful smile, a beautiful smile can change your day, and a good day can make your life much easier to get by. You can't continue to tell yourself that you won't get better, because that will take every step you've made back. You'll be stuck. I know you have the ability to accept her loss and live your life in happiness as she would want, you just have to prove it to yourself.