Last night my sweet, three year old niece, Lidia, came in into my room. She had sad eyes. This is very out of the norm for Lidi-Lou. She is always a very happy, vibrant child. But not this time.
She walked straight over to me and put her innocent little face on my shoulder and squeezed my neck so tight. I could feel her exhale deeply and her fragile body shutter slightly.
"Lou-Bug, what's wrong", I asked her in a tender concerned tone.
"Titi, I'm sad".
"What's the matter, big girl?"
"I miss Stephie. How much longer does she have to live with the angels? I want to see her."
Immediately, my heart broke. This poor innocent child can't wrap her head around that kind of loss. Her mother, father and I have all tried so hard to explain it so that it's not so scary. We tell her that Steff is gone and that now she lives with the angels and Jesus, and one day we will see her again. But of course she can't comprehend that version of good bye. In her little world, "good bye" means "see you later".
I tried as best as I could to comfort her. I hugged her tight and tried to stop my own tears from streaming down my face. I didn't want to make it worse by allowing her to see me in shambles.
"Oh, Lidia, I'm sorry, I don't know when we can see her again. It won't be for a while. But you want to know something neat?"
"Yes!" her tiny voice exclaimed.
"Even though we can't see Stephie like we used to anymore, She still watches over you and protects you. She's your guardian angel now. Isn't that neat?"
She looked at me with a confused expression. I couldn't seem to find the right words to comfort her and that broke my heart into even smaller, more jagged pieces.
"Lidia, are you ok?"
She tilted her head and said "Titi, I don't feel good and Stephie didn't feel good." Her small lips turned downward into a frown as soon as she spoke the words.
Fear ran all over my body. Does Lidia think that when she doesn't feel good that she is going to have to go live with the angels? I didn't know what to do at that moment so I did the only thing I could think of - I held her. I kissed her. I hugged her. I loved her.
I hope that in time Steff will help me find the right words to handle this situation. The truth is, I can't really comfort Lidia or explain it to her because I am still trying to understand it all myself. My world is still turned inside out and I don't know when it will feel right again...if ever at all.
:( This brings tears to my eyes when I read it. I can't express how deep I feel for you, your loved ones, and Steph's loved ones. I read this and feel so much passion between you and Lidia, but still, there are wounds that remain open and unanswered. It's sad to hear such a sweet young girl awakened by the hardness of reality. I hope she can keep her imaginative mind positive and understand that Steph is in a happy place, in heaven. I hope that you will continue to comfort her and remain strong through times like these. I also hope that Steph will continue to give you the power to do so. In that way she is with you, forever. I know you will find a way through this, you're in my thoughts and prayers every day.
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